Fun Run – You must be joking!!
I’m not unusual in that I enjoy a challenge. Let me explain. Having moved from Cambridgeshire in 2000 we strolled up Starrock Lane on a beautiful day in July and paid what seemed to be a ridiculously small admission to the annual Chipstead flower show and village fair. Everything was, and still is, quintessentially English. Side stalls, ice cream, Brownies and Pony Club. Sadly one of the Ponies misbehaved in the ring, which meant relocating the maypole for the little ones to dance around without fear of extensive shoe cleaning prior to climbing in cars and returning home. We spotted a “fun run” setting off and being capable of shuffling two or three hundred yards I said to my wife, “I will do that next year – it looks “fun”. Everybody was very jolly and a wide age group was represented. I was committed.
The following year, in good time, I made enquiries to the organisers for an application form. “Sorry we don’t organise the “race” (gulp) – contact the South London Harriers”. With some trepidation I opened the web site to find that the “fun run” was actually “The Elmore 7” Why 7? Because it is seven miles!!! I read on that the course was “scenic” and used pleasant undulating countryside. Sounds good – but seven miles!! I was OK trundling round the Meads – perimeter of course – then over to Colin’s field and back past the rugby club. Two miles top weight - so could I do it? Of course I could - anyway I had said I would. The application form went in – no turning back!!
As I was now committed, I did the usual thing and tried to rope in anybody else, including the entire family. Jackie my wife wisely said no way, but with a bit of pushing 30 year old son and 28 year old daughter, surprisingly, said OK.
The day dawned and the weathermen said it was going to be a scorcher, one of the hottest on record. In a manly manner, and with a spring in my step I left the house in good time, yet felt quite tired and in need of a sit down after the half mile up to the fair and start. Strangely, this year, all the fun runners had evaporated, replaced by young fit athletes, energetically warming up. I began to feel even worse and became quite tired watching them stretch and jump up and down. I even thought of just settling for a nice ice cream and a bit of maypole watching, but some kind soul told me to stand in the front as I had a number on my chest, and I think they sensed I was just about to slide away. My wife grinned as she merrily waved the insurance policy. The gun roared and I sprinted off.
Actually everybody else sprinted off and I did my “round the Meads” pace, which proved to be a good bit slower than that of the entire field, which went past me before we had even got onto the road. “Don’t overstretch” I thought “an even jog will be fine and I will overtake some who will have overshot their capabilities and burned out”. “My God its hot”. At least the first bit along the High Road is level. I turned down Rectory Lane and revelled in the down hill stretch - I flew along – this is better. Until…. On my right a fit looking young Mum passed me. How did I know she was a young Mum? It’s because she was pushing a buggy with a baby in it! Pssha I thought - the only reason she is going faster is because she has more weight, and the pram is pulling her down the hill. I will catch up with her on the hill on the other side. Regrettably I never saw her again. I can only think that she had help (possibly) or that she never finished the race. I do know that there is no way she would have been able to improve on my time.
I can also categorically state that after Rectory Lane there are no more down hill stretches. People may say that there are but don’t believe them - everything is severely and dramatically uphill. I don’t really do uphill. My body, much as it is a mean, finely honed instrument of sheer athleticism, is more geared to watching rugby on Sky Plus and drinking Young’s beer. I could have run faster. I could even have avoided walking up the odd one or two (or even three) hills, but quite frankly this would only serve to depress some of the more serious Harriers. I am after all at the upper end of the age range, although I did spot a lean looking Octogenarian, with not an ounce of weight on his lean frame, towelling down and smiling as he recounted how he loves hills and would have liked the course to have been a bit steeper. This chap only beat my time of just over 60+ minutes by 15 minutes.
My son was a bit surprised when a chap with an artificial leg went past him on the home straight. Both of them,and also my daughter, were way in front of me. My strategy of taking it easy and saving myself didn’t quite work out, as I never did seem to whizz past struggling burned out runners. Strange really because lots of them kept passing including some rather large middle aged ladies who were all travelling much slower but seemed to overtake me!!
I sprinted over the line just as it was getting dark and they were taking the tents down. My wife had cooked supper and was reading the paper when I got in. She thought I had gone on somewhere. No actually she was a bit worried, and bravely yelled encouragement for the 15 minutes it took for the last 200 yards. I got my ice cream – now that I had joined the elite athletes my body just burns away calories! The lady that served me asked me to move on a she thought a death in front of the van might not be good for business. I thought I looked, if a little red, pretty good really all things considered.
Did I do it again?? Yes I did it last year, 2006. It proved to be another really hot day. Even slower time, which was a bit disappointing, but I have a theory that although the course on paper is the same, someone has gone round and made the hills a bit steeper. I know this sounds ridiculous but the only other explanation is that I was 5 years advanced, and a bit slower, which can only be ridiculous. All I can say is watch out during the 2012 Olympics for a tall, rather flabby old bloke shuffling along in the marathon making fantastic time – no hills you see!
Well done to the Flower Show for hosting the venue and the event. Well done the South London Harriers for organising the race as part of their full fixture list and well done all those that race, as there are a wide range of ages and shapes and sizes - all of whom have a go, and good on them. Finally well done the winners – how anybody can get round this hilly course in 37 minutes 35 seconds, as the 2006 winner did beats me.
Finally, well done Chipstead for supporting the Flower Show and village fair. It is a great and rewarding occasion.
Ray Wookey
